A gay couple's first steps to parenthood

When we first talked openly about our desire to grow a family, our immediate thought was adoption. We had no idea how the process worked, so we did what most people do — we searched online, and eventually attended an adoption information seminar.

What we heard there stopped us in our tracks. The waiting list for national adoption was approximately eight years. By the time we might be matched with a child, we would likely be considered too old. We simply could not believe it. With so many children in the world in need of a loving home, how could the wait be so long? It felt like a heavy door closing in our faces.

We also looked into international adoption, but the restrictions for same-sex couples were even more significant — at the time, only one country permitted it, and the children available for matching were typically eight years old or older.

We added our names to the national adoption waiting list anyway — it cost us nothing, and committed us to nothing. But we knew we needed to explore other options.

It was a mutual friend who first mentioned the possibility of having a child through a gestational carrier — what is known as third-party assisted reproduction. We had never seriously considered it before. Like most people, we turned to the internet. What we found was overwhelming: hundreds of pages, dozens of agencies, conflicting information, and no shortage of promises that sounded almost too good to be true.

One piece of advice I would give anyone at that stage: slow down. Get properly informed before you take a single step. This is not a holiday to book on impulse — it is one of the most significant decisions of your life. Take the time to understand the process thoroughly, ask every question you have, and make sure you are working with professionals you genuinely trust. Be cautious of anyone who offers you attractive packages and guaranteed outcomes — this is a medical process, a biological journey, and like any journey of this magnitude, it requires honesty, patience, and the right people beside you.

For us, the process was everything we hoped it would be — and more. From the very first conversation with our gestational carrier, we felt part of something extraordinary. The time we spent in the United States during the pregnancy, meeting her family, being present for the birth, and then finally beginning the journey home together — it is something we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.

Our daughter is fourteen months old now, growing faster than we can keep up with.

She has changed everything. And the one thing we know with absolute certainty is this: love does not depend on the type of family you come from — whether that family has two fathers, two mothers, one parent, or two. Love depends on you, and on the choice you make every day to show up for your child.

If you are at the beginning of your own journey — uncertain, overwhelmed, or simply not sure where to start — we understand exactly how that feels. Book a free consultation with Juan and let him help you find your way forward.